Today my little cousin Ella came
over. Well, technically we picked her up from after school care and took her to
our house... semantics... She's five years old and super gorgeous! Anyway, Mum
had a headache and left me in charge of Ella.
This is us:
This is reality....
I went through the usual routine
that I use when looking after her... And by routine I mean that I offered her
excessive amounts of junk food (I'm sixteen, and not a mum~please don't judge
me!) and grabbed her Moo to cuddle with. Btw- Moo is Ella's rabbit who lives with
us.
Ella thinks that Moo is a girl.
When we got Moo we thought that too, but as Moo grew, out popped a pair of
testicles. And he started regularly humping the guinea pig. Only the male one,
though, oddly enough...
Anyway, back to the main part of
the post... Moo was on his back on my bed and Ella was next to me, when I
decided 'what the hell? It's time she knew the truth!' So I pointed to Moo's
testicles and said, "look Ella! Moo's a boy!" (rabbit penises are
hidden away and you can't see them unless your rabbit is excited, and most
likely humping your guinea pig)
Her face looked horrified and I
swear her eyes got shiny. She was looking at me as if waiting for me to say
'just joking!' and horrible thoughts rushed through my head.
Ella had always reacted strongly
and negatively towards people who accidentally called Moo a 'he' or a 'him'.
And then I started thinking about how her mum and dad had recently divorced (by
recent, I mean the process finished recently. The actual process itself has
been long and messy, stretching over two and a bit years) and that she hadn't
seen her dad (who had moved back to Turkey) for nearly six months. And then,
because I obviously think too much, I started thinking that she viewed males as
non-permanent figures in her life, and would now hate Moo.
So I chickened out and plastered a
fake smile on my face and laughed. "I'm just joking El! Moo's a girl
because-" I hesitated, looking at Moo desperately, when Ella pointed to
Moo's testicles and said confidently,
"We know Moo's a girl because
she has two pwivate's like me!" it took me a few seconds to realize what
she was talking about, when it hit. My five year old cousin was connecting a
pair of rabbit testies with a female genitalia... You know- the two lips of the
labia?
I was horrified. Shocked. Stunned.
So I did what any other sixteen year old girl would do (haven't the foggiest
what a guy would do). I nodded and kept my fake smile plastered to my face.
"That's right El!" I told her, my voice not the least bit squeaky (it
might have been a little. I mean, she's five!!!)
But Ella hadn't finished torturing
me yet (sadistic five-year-old!). No, next she said, "boys like uncle
Iainy (pronounced E-knee. It's our younger cousins' nickname for my dad Iain)
and Andy puppy only have one." and she pointed to my black Labrador,
stretched out on his back, soaking up sun. Well, she pointed at his penis. Then
she opened her mouth again, but I was done with this conversation. Done, and
regretting bringing it up in the first place.
So before she could start
comparing, I don't know- Moo's nose to my boobs (both are small)? I butted in with, "let's
put Moo back outside and grab some ice-cream!"
To my relief she nodded and picked
up Moo. That was the last time I ever told Ella ANYTHING was a guy not a girl! For all I care, we can change Moo's name to Miss Pinky Pinkerton- I am
NOT going down that road again! Ever!
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